Our hair is often seen as a doorway into our beauty that we get to personalize to reflect who we are. We are able to cut it, grow it, color it, donate it, change it up when the mood hits. When we are faced with losing our hair its a bit of a fight or flight response i think, we either embrace it or fight it every step of the way. One thing is for certain, hair loss, for whatever the reason, can be devastating and cause stress, anxiety and depression. Some feel they will no longer look attractive, that their partner will no longer find them sexy, that they have lost their sense of self, or that they will look like a cancer patient. In response to hair loss some choose to wait and have it fall out, try cold cap therapy, shave it off, and wear wigs. Whatever the circumstance it’s important to keep reminding yourself that it’s only hair. We are not defined by our hair, and this is only temporary.
Today I shaved my hair. With chemo starting next week I knew that I wanted to shave it off before I lost it. The thought of waiting for it to start coming out and wondering if I would wake up to clumps on my pillow or pull out a handful in the shower was something I knew would cause me a great deal of stress. Plus shaving it now gave me a sense of control that I so desperately need. Not gonna lie, today was tougher than I thought, seriously a whirlwind of emotions. The last few days I was almost looking forward to it but then this morning I had a mini meltdown, cried the whole time while I dried my hair. Not sure exactly why, likely a number of things, but I let myself have a moment to feel the sadness and to let the stress slowly go. It felt good to let it out and with Dallas’s reassurance I got my shit together and off we went. Now that it’s done, I have to admit, I feel awesome! Do I feel less sexy? No, I thought I might but I really don’t, I actually think I am rockin this! 😎 Do I feel like I have lost my sense of self? No, actually I am more sure of who I am now than I was 3 months ago. Do I feel like Dallas looks at me differently? Actually yes, he sees more beauty in me now than he ever did ❤️ Plus he’s jealous I have a nicer head-shape than he does. 😘
This journey is hard and its full of hurdles that we don’t have a choice but to face and overcome. For me, since I am a bit of a control freak, I choose to embrace the things I can still control, like shaving my head, staying active and above all staying as positive as I can.
Ps. Fuck you cancer